This is all explained in a book of Sonja Lyubomirsky. How totally agreed I am, I still want to give my opinion on it.
1 Expressing gratitude
2 Cultivating optimism
3 Avoiding overthinking and social comparison
4 Practicing acts of kindness
5 Nurturing relationships
6 Developing strategies for coping
7 Learning to forgive
8 Doing more activities that truly engage you
9 Savoring life’s joys
10 Committing to your goals
11 Practicing religion and spirituality
12 Taking care of your body
It is not happy people who are thankful, it is thankful people who are happy.
- Count your blessings. Marvel at all the beautiful and good people and things that come your way. Appreciate. See the bright side of life. Feel rich. All these things makes you immediately feel better. It’s just what you focus on you. And what you focus on, you decide yourself! This is a theorem which works when you´re not depressed. The gratitude is not only for the little things in life, but the capacity to see where you come from and what made you what you are right now. This capacity is a big thing to be thankful for. Because now you can analyse yourself and make life yours!
- Look on the bright side. Have confidence in the future. Have faith, that’s my motto every day. All will be well when you have confidence, confidence in yourself and … confidence in the upper (I call it Cosmos). Many of the readers know how that works for me, and for others who also are developing that trust. Try to work on that trust, the Cosmos will reward you!.
Don’t worry or compare yourself to others
- To worry is thinking too much, fantasizing the wrong way. It isn’t helpful. You can learn how to stop this. Social comparison is when you compare yourself or your situation to others. And then usually with someone who seems to do better. This makes you unhappy. Have faith, live in the moment and compare yourself only with yourself. For example, how you were first and what you have already learned by now. Social comparison is indeed not sensible to do. Every person has abilities, talents and excels in something. You better see this yourself and do not see it as inferior .Often there has to be an outsider to let you see, and that outsider is often not in your social circle ….. So when your mind is telling you “I am nothing, I always will fail, etc,” it is important to examine yourself very well and to see that you really have capacity´s in something. You can develop or elaborate, with the result that you no longer have to look to others what capacity´s they have and you don´t! When you think this is to difficult for you, you won´t manage this on your own. Don´t wait but seek help. We are definitely able to help you in all sorts of ways. We will help you to feel happy again!
- Fourth activity for sustainable happiness according to Sonja Lyubomirsky is being friendly. That is nice for others (who are sometimes desperately in need of that), but also for yourself. You yourself will become happier. Kindness, being selfless and generous, empathize with others, in short: perform acts of kindness is what this activity is all about. Ohoh … I’m really not friendly when I don´t feel well … and indeed, then my area is not friendly too. Luckily I still have the common sense on time to turn it around, but what if you don’t have those reserves??? If you no longer have the reserves then there is also my solution, such a simple thing, just drink a glass of water. Stop out of the group or the situation, isolate yourself a minute or two and drink your water. Negative feelings acidifying. Water absorbs energy, you exist for 80% out of water. If you are in a negative mood the body-water takes this vibration and you cannot get yourself out of this emotion. When you drink neutral water, it resets the balance and you become the happy yourself.
Cherish your social relations
- A fifth activity that makes you happy in a sustainable way is to nurture social relationships. Take time for your partner, your family and your friends and you will notice how good it does to others and to yourself! Love. Make love your aim and priority number 1. Much love! When you are not in a depressive mood, all your social relations are around you. But, whenever you are depressed, your social relations suddenly become lesser and lesser. So..be aware that, also when you are in a sad mood, you still pay attention to your friends and yourself. This gives good energy, you will feel that and you will love to experience this more and more often. The feeling of love and being loved will make you happy!
Learning how to deal with setbacks
- A sixth sustainable happiness activity is learning how to deal with disappointments. But how do you do that exactly? Research shows that it helps to have a network of supporting people around you. Sharing your experiences and emotions, orally or in writing, with understanding others helps to deal with them. Isolating and keeping it to yourself works negatively. So open up! Talking and writing about it really helps.
When you’re down, your social relationships are not in the picture (mostly) …. When you see that a simple something like a cup of coffee for yourself and the other gives a lovely atmosphere, though, you are more willing to create that atmosphere and so you give the feeling of love the space. And disappointments don´t have room any more.
Learning to forgive
- Keep a journal or write a letter in which you work on letting go of anger and resentment toward someone who has hurt or wronged you.
Are you mad at someone because he has done anything wrong ? Try to forgive him. You don´t forgive for the other, but for yourself. Forgiving is as it was ‘ loosening from the other ‘. What matters is that you get rif of all the negative energy and that you don´t let the other person dominate, without that he might know, your feelings. Forgiving is stopping with hope for a better past. You can not change what has happened, you can control how you see it now. If you are really really angry with someone, and those thoughts are daily in your mind, forgiveness can redeem you. I see forgiveness as “I see how it should be in the future. I have learned and have developed a little more” It can make you feel good without humiliating yourself. You forgive the other so you can continue. Just you give yourself the space to new, more positive feelings in your life.
Doing more activities that truly engage you
- At home and at work, seek out more challenging and absorbing experiences in which you “lose yourself,” experiencing what researchers call “flow.”
Flow is when incentives and peace are in balance. That you enjoy the challenges in your life and that you also enjoy when there is a quiet moment. When you don’t recognize the balance, it is important to either find more incentives (challenges) or get more peaceful moments. Happiness is balance!
Savoring life’s joys
- Pay close attention to life’s momentary pleasures and wonders through thinking, writing, or drawing, or by sharing them with others.
On what moments were you most happy. Think about that and try to get the feeling that you had then. Try to have more of those in the future to add to your life and enjoy these moments. Indeed, everyone has these moments, some people need to dig deeper than the other, but they are there!
Committing to your goals
- Pick one, two, or three significant goals that are meaningful to you, and devote time and effort to pursuing them
Find out, if you have not already done so, what your talents are and how you can add this in your present life. Don’t think about money, because, money is just one small part of true happiness! Consider a goal and live accordingly. How euphoric will you be when you actually achieved your goal.
Practicing religion and spirituality
- Believing in something or someone gives support. That is about the same as the picture I have cited earlier. You can talk to the cosmos, you can talk to a God, you can talk to the universe and all the other names. In the end, what matters, is thát you’re talking. You’re expressing yourself and you hear yourself, making the importance of your problem all of a sudden much less heavy and make way for blissful moments. The idea that something or someone is listening, even if you are talking to yourself, gives consolation.
Take care of your body.
- This could mean exercise, of course, but also meditating, smiling, or laughing.
So true, even in times of misery and depression you can choose for your health. I can only agree with her. Good healthy food is full of positive energy. When eat this, the moisture in your body takes over this energy and releases you from every negative mood you have. Bad food (junk, sugars etc.) brings the acidification in your body, and that makes you bad-tempered (sours) or even depressed.
After all this still an insightful comment. Everyone creates his own life! When you assume you are going to fall, you can be sure that you will. The Cosmos does what you ask for 😉 If you shout out every day, “I have no money, I have no money” you will never be rich or out of financial trouble.. Look around you to the people that you believe they have all the luck in the world, how they really are in life. They are not happy in life because they are lucky, they are happy in life because they enforce the luck with their attitude to life!
If there are some points with which you think “ti will never manage this on my own” then we are, of course, always ready to offer the needed help. There are often only a few sessions necessary to put you on the path and after that, you can walk further yourself. Do not hesitate when you need help, but be proud. Dare to ask!!
Our sessions are given in our practice G&R Advice, San Joan de Labritja. We are also able to do the sessions at your home, if you feel more comfortable at home. All is possible to give get the happiness for you, which you deserve!