What is Family Constellation work?
During our whole lives from a young age, we come to know many systems;
school and family being the principle ones.
The rules and laws in such systems are often complicated and it is becoming increasingly clear that many organizational and personal problems have their causes in these systems. The origins of the work lie within the family constellations of Bert Hellinger. Systemic work makes the hidden barriers within a system (family, organization) visible and manageable.
Bert Hellinger, the originator of this work, discovered the system of every family, organization, school etc and developed a method to work with the systems. Each participant in a system has a place. Sometimes it seems that the taken place is not the right one.
Basic concepts of systemic work are:
The system is central. We are raised in systems and get a place assigned to us or we take that in.
The dynamics makes it possible to work at a deep and unconscious level and to deal with all the members in the system with love and respect.
An entanglement is an involution in a system which works obstructed or is sometimes even unhealthy. Making an entanglement visible gives the possibility to change this. The place in the system is essential. Members of a system have a place, this place is not always the right one. Finding and taking the private right place changes old inhibitory patterns, makes it possible to eliminate trappings and allows you to take your place in life.
Concerns of constellations.
Every human is strongly tied to the system of origin. The past, the original family system, sometimes linked with the trappings of love, can block your development. The love and respect make the dynamics in the system visible and noticeable . It offers the possibility to change existing patterns both on a personal level and at the level of the family system.
Bert Hellinger’s focus is not on the individual biography, trauma and shortages. He works at a soul level and its entrance is the family and the mutual bonds. Emotions, in relation to others, are not completely worked out, but are used as information about the status of the relationship.
Hellinger has a phenomenological systemic approach that takes shape in a family Setup. In a Setup the client places some dolls for his relatives in the space in relation to each other.
Once the client is shown this staging of his/her current situation and is allowed to feel what effects on him or her it creates, the client can be helped with other techniques to guide him or her further in his/her process.
The need for to give and to take.
People who don’t dare to take from others aren’t needed by others and have no obligation to give back but they live a very limited life. Then there are those who only want to help and not receive help. In this way, they keep control and put themselves above the other. Both life stances often develop in childhood in contact with one or both parents. Love in intimate relationships is determined by a balance between giving and taking. If a partner mainly takes then the other stops giving. The love between partners can fully flow if both are giving and receiving equally.
The need to belong
The need to belong is part of survival therefore it’s necessary to have bonding and to be part of a system. Each group has its values and standards and each will behave in accordance with this. This limits us in what we can see, believe and know. If we moved among different groups in one day, we would behave differently each time. So you will behave differently with your parents than with your work colleagues.
The need for order
In each group and in long-term relationships there is a need for rules, standards, beliefs and prohibitions. All members of such a group or relationship system behave according to these rules which may differ strongly according to the group or relationship. These social conventions determine limits of membership. Who likes this part of the game stays and who doesn’t, will lose his membership. In villages, it can still have an impact of being excluded. Also, in some cultures, exclusion of women can frequently occur.
Accepting the limit of time
Families and/or employees are often strongly stuck to negative and positive memories. This hinders new experiences and events. The past continues to keep them caught. As there will come a time that you need to let loose, so should the life events also be released to give the future a chance and to be able to go into the flow of life. So it can happen that someone as a baby has experienced the bombing and the fear of the parents, and holds this unconscious in his/her body and memory, that he approaches life as if the war has not yet ended.